Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: RSS
Kristin Biggs is proof that being open to meeting new people can favor expand your mindset. Find out how we met, and the impact she has made on my life and the lives of so many more.
Sun or Shade?
Do you believe warriors are born? Or do you believe they become that way because of circumstances? I heard this question in a move trailer and can’t help but ponder it.
Are we born warriors? According to Greek and Roman mythology we are. They are the gods – good or bad, they are indestructible. One set to protect humanity, the other to destroy it.
While the mythology provides a nice story, I believe warriors are created based on circumstances. This then begs the question of why do some people go to battle, while others stand down? It is by choice. They chose to see the inherent value they see in themselves and others around them that creates the warrior.
Have you ever seen the show on Netflix called “Maid”? If not, I recommend you do. This is a story of a young girl derailed in life, pushed down to the depths of despair, who finally chooses to go to battle. It shows her struggles trying to pull herself and her daughter out of a bad circumstance. She succeeded. It was a choice she actively made. She became a warrior.
During a rough patch in my life, I was given the book “A Peaceful Warrior”. It was about a young man who was strong and athletic until he suffered an injury. He allowed his injuries to keep him down. Until with guidance and lessons learned, he began to fight back. He became a warrior.
In life we are surrounded by warriors, and we don’t even know it. True warriors are humble. They are led by good intentions not egos. They stand up for those who need it without regard to the implications to themselves. They value integrity and actions. Yes, they are self-assured, but that’s because they must be. And it is because of their experiences that have made them this way, not because they are born with it.
Being all the above is not an easy choice, but it is a choice. Therefore, some people become warriors and others stand down. All of us have the capability to be a warrior because all of us have had experiences that presents pathways of which direction to choose. Just remember, when you need help there are plenty of warriors around you to reach back and help pull you forward.
Difference Maker!
When I was in my twenties, I went to college full-time, worked at the university part-time, and managed a coffee shop full-time. I worked my tall off, but no worries, my social calendar was not affected. I was able to handle it all.
I had everything down pat. I went to school Tuesdays and Thursdays from morning until night, and maybe one class Monday and Wednesday. If I had a break on campus, I filled it with time as a student assistant in the Philosophy and Religious studies department on campus. This was perfect. I was able to do my job and study my courses. Campus jobs are amazing for students.
I would open the coffee shop at 5:00 am on the days Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays; I would close it on Saturdays and Sundays. I learned a lot about customer service, bookkeeping, tracking inventory, and even more about managing people. It was a great experience that was most of the time too much for me to handle. But I did.
One Friday morning, I opened the coffee shop. Afterwards I went to campus for a group project, before meeting my friend in the park to go roller blading. It was a great day. And the evening was even better. because we get it.I met my friends back on campus for a party at one of the football players house. To this day, I don’t believe I had more than two drinks. However, my friends I needed a break and decided a couple of hours at a nearby diner for some coffee and food would do the trick.
Now, almost 24 hours later, I was dropped off at my car to head on home – an apartment about fifteen minutes off campus with a college friend. I should not have driven.
I remember the exact moment that got me into the ICU. I was tired of listening to that staple early 2000s song from Shaggy, “It Wasn’t Me”. Back then CD players in your car was the thing and my collection just happened to be under the passenger car seat. Leaning over was the last thing I remembered in that car.
Weirdly enough the next thing I remember before waking up in the hospital was riding in the ambulance. The people thought they were losing me. I can’t explain it, but I could hear and see them talking.
I was 22, lost and didn’t value all I had around me enough, nor did I have the ability to value what lay ahead.
I know many kids don’t at this age. Most of us thought we were invincible, impulsive in our actions. It’s not until we have kids that we truly realize how valuable life is, and how easily it can slip away. This is true whether you were reckless in your youth or not.
There were repercussions to my mistake that I suffer to this day. The blow to my head cracking the steering wheel because the airbag did not deploy, has impacted my memories and my intelligence. Words often become displaced for me.
However, that day I learned the value I was to those around me. That changed me. It made me realize that I must be responsible with the gift that God has given me. Trust me I am not a religious person, at least not in the traditional sense of intuitionalism. And this is one.
Edible Fact!
Business is personal, and those that say business is business are just covering up their “assholeness” with this fictious mantra. I say fictious because it is not true. People get hurt and upset, and that’s a fact. When someone is fired, reprimanded, demeaned, or cut out of the equation, they don’t respond shrugging their shoulders and say, “well, business is business.” Instead, they think of all the hard work, labor, and time away from someone or something else that could have provided a more positive and fulfilling mental state.
Only the person inflicting this mantra to others believes business should not be personal. Why? To elevate the person enacting the hurt from any responsibility. In other words, condone their behavior. At least this is how I look at it and I’m sticking to it.
I say all the above to get personal with people in managerial or leadership positions to understand the role they play. It is a huge responsibility. When people try and succeed, we often don’t credit them. When people try and fail, we often do not give take the time to find out what went wrong to help them succeed in the future. Instead, we tally. Tally up the times of failure and impact to the business. Therefore, when we cut someone loose or write them up, providing the litany of reasons why but never reflecting on our own strengths and weaknesses.
As businesswomen, we have the ability to change this dynamic. When we change the mantra to what is true, that business is personal, then our reactions to the people around us will improve. This is a fact.
Now to get my husband to listen to it. 😉
Evergreen and Everlasting!
Know your value and your worth. This is so important in business. People have a terrible habit of chipping away at you for their own benefit. If you don’t hold true to your value and your worth, you will allow people to run you over. Remember they are only thinking of themselves and only know what they believe to be true (or what they heard from a friend who also does not do what you do either).
This is essential in business. Otherwise, you will be used and abused with the best intentions on the other side. And trust me, those who don’t recognize your value and your worth, will end up wasting your time and never appreciate you. So, get rid of the trash and clear the way for those who will see you for everything you got. Even if you are the startup company working to build your portfolio, your value and your worth is everything to your business.
This is my evergreen and everlasting advice this week. Short, sweet, and to the point… now time to start housekeeping.
Sun or Shade? Do you believe warriors are born? Or do you believe they become that way because of circumstances? I heard this question in
Difference Maker! When I was in my twenties, I went to college full-time, worked at the university part-time, and managed a coffee shop full-time. I
Edible Fact! Business is personal, and those that say business is business are just covering up their “assholeness” with this fictious mantra. I say fictious
Evergreen and Everlasting! Know your value and your worth. This is so important in business. People have a terrible habit of chipping away at you
Sun or Shade?
Let’s talk about forgiveness. How many times a day do we receive apologies? Especially if you are married or have children. IT IS CONSTANT. I hear it so much that it doesn’t mean anything to me, OR I get upset when I don’t believe it to be heartfelt, OR, I know they are just going to do it again tomorrow.
Ever notice that the weight of forgiveness is often placed on the wrong person so that once they are said, they are FREE — COMPLETELY EXONERATED — from all wrongdoing. Then, they can dirty their clean slates again tomorrow, just in a slightly different way. Woohoo! Isn’t that the life?! Like confession, you go into a dark tiny room, or throw some bread into a body of water, ask for forgiveness, pray to whatever God you believe in, and start all over again.
I know I sound cynical, but I’ve been hurt before and have received the apology just for the person to hurt me the same way all over again. It’s also probably because I have kids and hear apologies all day long.
So besides being overwrought with apologies, why talk about forgiveness? Because, after all this time, I finally figured out forgiveness has absolutely nothing to do with the person apologizing and everything to do with the person hurt.
This enlightenment came to me via Abby Wambach on the podcast “We Can Do Hard Things”, episode 120 with the one and only Jen Hatmaker. Forgiveness is something that happens within our own selves, it’s letting go of an old wound, and it’s a lesson learned. It has nothing to do with trusting someone or something again. We should forgive for the health of our own mind, bodies, and souls. And hearing an apology should be just a bonus.
So, when my kid apologizes for the umpteenth time for not making his bed before he left the house, I need to learn from it. Maybe check his room before he leaves? Instead of getting upset and hurt every time he lets me down.
I think people need to understand this, especially if you are the one who has apologized and can’t understand why the other person hasn’t moved on.
Difference Maker!
This is not my story, but it did have an impact on me.
My best friend, or as we like to call each other sisters from another mother, had been married since she was nineteen or twenty years old. When we met, I was probably about twenty-eight. She was already married for over a decade with two gorgeous, intelligent, and kind children.
Her and I started working for a commercial real estate company on the same day. Her cube was just on the other side of mine in an office we shared. We could not be more different from each other. She is that personable likeable human. The first things out of her mouth to everyone she sees, is “how are you? You look beautiful today!” or “is there anything you need?” She brings such a radiant light to whatever room she walks in. Her love runs deep.
Me, not so much. I will walk by everyone with just a hello so I am not rude. I just jump right into what needs to be accomplished in every conversation I start. This is something I’m working on and have made some improvements. Taking down my armor is not my strong suite.
But this woman has made me softer. I hug more often and say I love you all the time to any one because of her. These are things that I always felt but never was confident enough express out loud. I still am all about work before personal, but now thanks to her I can get to the personal. I know and crave the personal now. See… improvements!
Anyway, after some years my friend and her husband took a break. I was in shock. I always looked at their relationship as this perfect marriage, perfect family. Something I emulated to have of my own. I couldn’t believe it.
All I wanted was to be there for her as much as she had always been there for me. I’ll never forget the conversation up in her room, crying together, drinking wine. She was telling me all the things she started doing on her own, things that he normally did. From mowing the lawn to unclogging the shower drain from her and her daughter’s hair, she discovered she could be on her own. We were celebrating!
Then she said that the hardest part was he was still the first person she wanted to call to talk about her day. He was the only person she wanted to hold. Even with all the hurt and pain caused; he was the one. I looked her in that moment, and said “You don’t need him, you want him.” There is something so tragically beautiful in this fact.
Many of us don’t realize this about the people in our lives until it’s too late.
They are of course back together, stronger than ever. I learned though that relationships in life are not easy. Even the strongest ones have their trials and tribulations. Some we let go when they begin to fade. Then there are others that when they fade, we realize how significant they are to us and never let go. Those tend to be the best ones because we get it.
Edible Fact!
I’m all about “We Can Do Hard Things” today (I’m a fan every day but today more so than normal). I started the week listening to their episode called Why Are There No Pictures of Us?!? Holy shit, I felt like I was in the conversation with them, hearing the words I needed to hear.
It was all about taking those often-considered annoying photos of all the moments in our lives. Well, affirmation received! It is extremely important to document these moments. In fact, we should be more proactive about taking these photos.
For instance, a women called into the show to talk about how her phone is filled with amazing pictures of her husband and kids. However, her husband’s phone has only a few photos of her and the kids from a decade ago. All she thought about was her funeral circling through the same few photos over and over depicting nothing of the true essence of her life. Nothing had been documented. No photos for her family and friends to reminisce over, no special moments captured.
That got me. I always felt sad when photos of real moments were not taken, but I know I’m not alone. More importantly, I know now I can help others document their moments when they don’t have anyone around to capture it themselves. I thank the ladies of We Can Do Hard Things for this simple act of kindness that we can all do for each other.
Now to get my husband to listen to it. 😉
Evergreen and Everlasting!
For my 45th birthday last year, a dear friend of mine got me an amazing gift. She bought me a one-hour session with an astrologer who she randomly connected to in New York.
Sidenote on how my friend found the astrologer: My friend, being the beautiful and generous human being she is, allowed a stranger, who had no place to stay, freely reside in a vacant condo she owned while the stranger cared for an ill family member. You might think this is crazy, but this is beautiful, and we should all be this open and kind whenever we have a chance. I share this to express 1) how awesome my friend is, and 2) the power of kindness and its impact is profound. Since her gift this New York astrologer, who probably knew no one in our area has probably picked up ten new clients. Because what did we all do? Paid it forward.
Back to the point… Whether you believe in the science of a star’s alignment or not, the astrologer did speak many truths. Some of her projections were beautiful affirmations of the person I’m working on becoming, and some were a harsh reality of ways I know I can be derailed.
Ironically, the best of me can sometimes be bad for my intended goals. According to the astrologist – and my personal belief- I must make my goals happen, to be the best for myself and everyone around me.
So, with that, she gave me this advice… SAY NO! Say no to the overwhelming inclination to always be there for everyone at the expense of my own goals. Say no to the distractions that turn me away from accomplishing what needs to be finished. Say no to the doubts and excuses I play in my own mind about myself.
Saying NO is very important in business. This will always be a true and necessary, especially if you are starting your own business. I am a big list person. But I believe however you want to manage your to-dos, do it! Of course, you will get hit with other stuff along the day but having an organized approach to your tasks will provide: a) some gratification to see what was accomplished, b) what else is left for you to do, and c) a measuring rod for effectiveness and time management. That last one is important. If your feel ineffective or like most of your day is wasted, take a deep dive, and find out why. Maybe you need to say no more often.
