Sun or Shade?

Sun or Shade?

Let’s talk about forgiveness. How many times a day do we receive apologies? Especially if you are married or have children. IT IS CONSTANT. I hear it so much that it doesn’t mean anything to me, OR I get upset when I don’t believe it to be heartfelt, OR, I know they are just going to do it again tomorrow.
 
Ever notice that the weight of forgiveness is often placed on the wrong person so that once they are said, they are FREE — COMPLETELY EXONERATED — from all wrongdoing. Then, they can dirty their clean slates again tomorrow, just in a slightly different way. Woohoo! Isn’t that the life?! Like confession, you go into a dark tiny room, or throw some bread into a body of water, ask for forgiveness, pray to whatever God you believe in, and start all over again.
 
I know I sound cynical, but I’ve been hurt before and have received the apology just for the person to hurt me the same way all over again. It’s also probably because I have kids and hear apologies all day long.
 
So besides being overwrought with apologies, why talk about forgiveness?  Because, after all this time, I finally figured out forgiveness has absolutely nothing to do with the person apologizing and everything to do with the person hurt.
 
This enlightenment came to me via Abby Wambach on the podcast “We Can Do Hard Things”, episode 120 with the one and only Jen Hatmaker. Forgiveness is something that happens within our own selves, it’s letting go of an old wound, and it’s a lesson learned. It has nothing to do with trusting someone or something again. We should forgive for the health of our own mind, bodies, and souls. And hearing an apology should be just a bonus.
 
So, when my kid apologizes for the umpteenth time for not making his bed before he left the house, I need to learn from it. Maybe check his room before he leaves? Instead of getting upset and hurt every time he lets me down.
 
I think people need to understand this, especially if you are the one who has apologized and can’t understand why the other person hasn’t moved on.

 

Difference Maker!

Difference Maker!

This is not my story, but it did have an impact on me.
 
My best friend, or as we like to call each other sisters from another mother, had been married since she was nineteen or twenty years old. When we met, I was probably about twenty-eight. She was already married for over a decade with two gorgeous, intelligent, and kind children.
 
Her and I started working for a commercial real estate company on the same day. Her cube was just on the other side of mine in an office we shared. We could not be more different from each other. She is that personable likeable human. The first things out of her mouth to everyone she sees, is “how are you? You look beautiful today!” or “is there anything you need?” She brings such a radiant light to whatever room she walks in. Her love runs deep.
 
Me, not so much. I will walk by everyone with just a hello so I am not rude. I just jump right into what needs to be accomplished in every conversation I start. This is something I’m working on and have made some improvements. Taking down my armor is not my strong suite.
 
But this woman has made me softer. I hug more often and say I love you all the time to any one because of her. These are things that I always felt but never was confident enough express out loud. I still am all about work before personal, but now thanks to her I can get to the personal. I know and crave the personal now. See… improvements!
 
Anyway, after some years my friend and her husband took a break. I was in shock. I always looked at their relationship as this perfect marriage, perfect family. Something I emulated to have of my own. I couldn’t believe it.
 
All I wanted was to be there for her as much as she had always been there for me. I’ll never forget the conversation up in her room, crying together, drinking wine. She was telling me all the things she started doing on her own, things that he normally did. From mowing the lawn to unclogging the shower drain from her and her daughter’s hair, she discovered she could be on her own. We were celebrating!
 
Then she said that the hardest part was he was still the first person she wanted to call to talk about her day. He was the only person she wanted to hold. Even with all the hurt and pain caused; he was the one. I looked her in that moment, and said “You don’t need him, you want him.” There is something so tragically beautiful in this fact.
 
Many of us don’t realize this about the people in our lives until it’s too late.
 
They are of course back together, stronger than ever. I learned though that relationships in life are not easy. Even the strongest ones have their trials and tribulations. Some we let go when they begin to fade. Then there are others that when they fade, we realize how significant they are to us and never let go. Those tend to be the best ones because we get it.

Edible Fact!

Edible Fact!

I’m all about “We Can Do Hard Things” today (I’m a fan every day but today more so than normal). I started the week listening to their episode called Why Are There No Pictures of Us?!? Holy shit, I felt like I was in the conversation with them, hearing the words I needed to hear.
 
It was all about taking those often-considered annoying photos of all the moments in our lives. Well, affirmation received! It is extremely important to document these moments.  In fact, we should be more proactive about taking these photos.
 
For instance, a women called into the show to talk about how her phone is filled with amazing pictures of her husband and kids. However, her husband’s phone has only a few photos of her and the kids from a decade ago. All she thought about was her funeral circling through the same few photos over and over depicting nothing of the true essence of her life. Nothing had been documented. No photos for her family and friends to reminisce over, no special moments captured.
 
That got me. I always felt sad when photos of real moments were not taken, but I know I’m not alone. More importantly, I know now I can help others document their moments when they don’t have anyone around to capture it themselves. I thank the ladies of We Can Do Hard Things for this simple act of kindness that we can all do for each other.
 
Now to get my husband to listen to it. 😉

Evergreen and Everlasting!

Evergreen and Everlasting!

For my 45th birthday last year, a dear friend of mine got me an amazing gift. She bought me a one-hour session with an astrologer who she randomly connected to in New York.
 
Sidenote on how my friend found the astrologer: My friend, being the beautiful and generous human being she is, allowed a stranger, who had no place to stay, freely reside in a vacant condo she owned while the stranger cared for an ill family member. You might think this is crazy, but this is beautiful, and we should all be this open and kind whenever we have a chance. I share this to express 1) how awesome my friend is, and 2) the power of kindness and its impact is profound. Since her gift this New York astrologer, who probably knew no one in our area has probably picked up ten new clients. Because what did we all do? Paid it forward.
 
Back to the point… Whether you believe in the science of a star’s alignment or not, the astrologer did speak many truths. Some of her projections were beautiful affirmations of the person I’m working on becoming, and some were a harsh reality of ways I know I can be derailed.
 
Ironically, the best of me can sometimes be bad for my intended goals. According to the astrologist – and my personal belief- I must make my goals happen, to be the best for myself and everyone around me.
 
So, with that, she gave me this advice… SAY NO! Say no to the overwhelming inclination to always be there for everyone at the expense of my own goals. Say no to the distractions that turn me away from accomplishing what needs to be finished. Say no to the doubts and excuses I play in my own mind about myself.
 
Saying NO is very important in business. This will always be a true and necessary, especially if you are starting your own business. I am a big list person.  But I believe however you want to manage your to-dos, do it!   Of course, you will get hit with other stuff along the day but having an organized approach to your tasks will provide:  a) some gratification to see what was accomplished, b) what else is left for you to do, and c) a measuring rod for effectiveness and time management. That last one is important. If your feel ineffective or like most of your day is wasted, take a deep dive, and find out why. Maybe you need to say no more often.