Edible Fact!

Edible Fact!

Have you ever been in a situation where you know what you know? But then someone questions what you know, and your confidence falls short. And then you back down?
 
Welcome to my life!
 
I’ve worked in real estate for over a decade (commercial and residential). I have my degree in Business and in Political Science.  I have worked on many successful political campaigns in both marketing and liaison roles.  I’ve even earned a certification in digital and social media.  Clearly, I make it a point to continuously educate myself in all the fields I serve. Yet, my confidence falls far short of my competence.   Some days, I wish they would just match!
 
My enneagram number is an 8. That makes me a defender to all and a bit of a control freak. But while I grant the grace of defense to others, I often do not give myself the same strength. People, however, never see me this way. I attribute this misconception to my ability to speak directly and with confidence – no matter how I’m feeling inside. But it’s true, I suffer from…. IMPOSTER SYNDROME.
 
For those who don’t know, imposter syndrome “refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.”
 
I’m not the only one who suffers from this feeling. In Rebecca Minkoff’s book Fearless, she talks about her own failures and let downs because she too suffers from this very same condition. She writes “when you feel like yourself in a situation where you feel in over your head, remind yourself that you are there for a reason and nobody belongs there more than you.”
 
This week’s Edible Fact comes from Rebecca’s wisdom: “you will never regret your failures more than not trusting you gut.” I try to remind myself of this every day, and in every conversation.
 
Fact is, I am competent in the services I offer. Fact is, I sometimes let those less competent undermine my confidence. In order to combat this, I read that portion of Fearless over and over, and I recommend you should too!

Sun or Shade?

Sun or Shade?

A few weeks ago, I received a call from a friend of mine who lives out of state. She was just promoted to a new position, and her new role gave her access to payroll. She did not get into the specifics, but she was awed and disappointed in the pay gap between the men and the women who work under her.
 
There are so many reasons why women don’t get paid the same as men:
1.  Men climb to their c-suite positions, while women act as primary caregivers for their families.   
2.  Women tend to take on careers that get paid less then men.
 
There are many more reasons and variables, not to mention the businesses and corporations who are grossly biased.
 
Here’s where we get into the sun or shade…
 
The good news is that the gap between equally educated men and women who work the same number of hours, for the same position, typically get paid the same amount. But this is only true at the beginning of their careers.
 
Not surprisingly, the gap is generated when a woman decides to have children. Studies show that after each child is born, the earnings gap grows 7%.
 
So, what’s the solution?
 
Women stop having children?
Women stop striving to hit their own career goals?
Women not taking time to spend with her newborns?
 
NO, NO, NO!
 
There is a great video with Laura Tyson, an economist and professor at Berkley, stating the problem along with a solution. I know! Finally! Someone not just complaining but providing options to improve.
 
Paternity leave is one of the most debated policies that can level the playing field for both men and women. This strategy already has some proven success in eliminating the salary gap between men and women.
 
My opinion? All the above is true. But to have a major effect in company policy and the larger social construct, women need to be their own biggest advocates in the workforce.  That requires us to ditch the feeling of being secondary and remind the testosterone-soaked C-suite how much female work impacts the company’s bottom line. 

Evergreen and Everlasting!

Evergreen and Everlasting!

Believe it or not, there was life before social media and email.  Some of you might remember those days fondly!  Rumor has it, there was even life before television, radio, and phones.  There was a time when none of the modern-day communication devices that we are all so addicted to existed. And yet, even then, human connection still prevailed. Our sphere of influence was just a lot smaller than it is today. Selling products or services was based on the principles of good old-fashioned trust and likability. 
 
Here’s a perspective: that old fashioned principle has not gone away. Your reach maybe broader, but people still need to like you and they still need to trust you. You just have more ways of expressing who you are to the people you want to influence.
 
The highest paid athletes, fashion designers, models, and actors know their value does not just stem from their talent. Instead, it stems from their connection with their audience. This principle is one we should all adopt in business and in life. As much as we want people to appreciate our brains, beauty, and talent, its more important that we create personal connection that reminds our audience of their own brains, beauty, and talent.  
 
So please, when you are trying to grow your sphere, create a strategy that reaches your audience in a personal way. Technology can never replace personal connection – it is evergreen.  

Difference Maker!

Difference Maker!

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that set a new precedence in your life? Some conversations shape values within ourselves and thereby shape our inner circle. Conversations can create pathways.
 
Before you even ask…yes, I believe we create our own paths. With this in mind, I believe that if there is shit on the path laid out before you, you should get off that path and go create something else.
 
These conversations can include something enlightening and meaningful, or they can be an agitator. Either way, they create pathways in our lives. For example, one compliment from a stranger can catapult an outfit to the forefront of your clothing rotation.  
 
Conversely, a teacher’s comment that you don’t read well can influence you to not pick up a book on your own ever again.
 
I have had more than a few compliments and comments that have stuck with me until this day. Often, I reflect on them. They have shaped who I was determined to be and who I am today.
 
When I was eighteen, I went to live with my father in Arizona. As I mentioned before, my father was not the ideal father figure.

Did he have money? Yes.
Did he have horses, boats, expensive cars, the gorgeous house? Yes.
Did he live a lavish lifestyle? Yes.
 
He was the typical man of the eighties, untouchable.
 
My father was the quintessential alpha man: constantly surrounded by other inflated male egos, spending exorbitant amounts of money, and the only thing he used more than recreational drugs was women. He would exploit women for his own internal self fulfilment until he tired of them, and then he was done. 
 
I say all this about my father to provide context of a conversation I had with his then wife.
 
One beautiful evening at Lake Havasu, his wife (we will call her Gina for ease), and I were downstairs on my father’s boat. And despite my awareness of some of the above about my father, I still really wanted a relationship with him.
 
Anyway, Gina and I were sitting at the table sipping on some Fireball. She was a divorced woman with two children, and a nurse. Before my arrival to Arizona, my father had kicked Gina and her kids out of the house because he decided he liked two other women more (that’s right, two!). When he was done with those women, he asked for Gina to come back. She did.
 
So, I asked her, why? She said, “you try living in a one-bedroom apartment with two kids.” That’s why she came back.
 
Now, my mom was single with two kids, and the cherry on top was an ex-husband who didn’t pay child support. She struggled and she fought. And to me, she won. Gina’s response not only magnified my admiration and gratitude toward my mother, but it also reinforced that I would NEVER EVER want desperation to be the reason why I would be with someone, anyone!
 
This single conversation set forth a distinct pathway in my life.  I would work, work hard, and keep working. I would always choose love, not money!

I know I chose my pathways based on my passions, not money.   Although, granted, we all need to pay the bills. I was able to choose this pathway because I worked hard at things I loved doing. I never gave up because the passion behind them was there, even in the lows of business. I also learned money and material things aren’t everything.
 
What conversations planted a seed for you and guided your pathway? Think about them. It is so important to know them, listen to them, and hold them. What’s even more important is to dissect how you responded to them.